Abygail

Today and yesterday, and the day before, and probably tomorrow, are the reason I hated my younger teenage years. I thought I had outgrown it. I thought that my mom wasn't struggling anymore. I thought my sister didn't hate the world. I thought the darkness that ran through my veins all those years ago was gone. I was wrong. I can look into my mother's eyes and see a stranger. She is not the same person that raised me. I look at my sister and don't even recognize who she has become. She's quiet and secluded. She doesn't stand outside my door anymore and ask to do crafts. I look in the mirror and I see myself, or maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me. I didn't miss the pain I felt all those years ago. I surely didn't ask for it. I suppose not everyone can always be happy all the time. It sounds a lot nicer than how I feel right now though. 06/07/2018

I hate when you think things are going good and turns out they aren't. I thought my first day in apparel went great but obviously not. I tried my best. I was trying to take in everything. I didn't want to blow through anything because I didn't want to do anything wrong. I even asked questions and I never do that. It's so infuriating that someone would say something about my work ethic. They know nothing about me. NOTHING. I've literally been around this group of people for less than 12 hours and they think they know everything about me. They said my work ethic was bad and I didn't do anything but stand around and that I won't last long. That's a fucking load. I want to cry. I've had shit thoughts all day. Thoughts of cutting and watching as the blood runs down my thighs. The slight sting of the cut. Damn, I want to fucking cry. I hate that the receptors in my nervous system don't properly intake the serotonin that is released. I hate it so muc