My Daddy Issues use to get to me Regularly

On the night of December 5th, 2009, I cried in my mother's arms as I repeatedly said: “it’s not fair,”. To this day I still find it unfair. He was my dad. He is my dad. He was taken from me. God stole him from me before he even had the chance to see me grow.
All day I have felt as if someone has been standing over my shoulder and I can’t help but think it's him and it hurts. It all hurts. I keep looking over my shoulder.
I didn’t even think about the date until today. I was just going on with my day then all the sudden I realized it was December 4th and it hit me. Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow marks eight years. I thought about it a little on the 3rd, but I felt nothing.
Today I felt it. The unfairness. I know God has a plan and I know he only gives us tasks we can handle but this task is painful. It’s gut-wrenching. It hurts on a whole new level.
I want my dad. I really want my dad.
I miss him so much.
It hurts.

And it’s not fucking fair.


// Originally written December 4th, 2017 //

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